My Perfect Date (preparation)

Welcome to another Pink Elephant’s post, I am your host, Eggy.

The girl has completely stopped messaging me and you know what? That’s okay. I think the reason she messaged me in the first place was because she was trying to be nice. It’s rude to ignore other people message, even though I did. I guess this is karma.

But you know I’m not losing sleep over this. I’m just losing my appetite.

We always want something we can’t have and once we have it we don’t care about it. The more that I can’t get close to this girl, the more I want to talk to her. However, I can’t act like a stalker because that just going to push me further away from her. So I have to pretend like I don’t care but I care.

Arrggghhh, driving me crazy!

Ever since her last message, my imagination has gone wild. I started to daydream about her, what she is like in person and what’s our first date is going to be like. If we’re ever go out on our first date, I want it to be special and I don’t want to mess things up. So I went on wikihow to find direction on ‘How to Give a Girl a Perfect Date’ to help me practice.

Wikihow is my shit yo! This site has everything; my date can’t go wrong with these directions.

Open doors for her

Because apparently I’m dating a handicap, she doesn’t know how to open the doors herself. To show that I care for her, I have to open the doors for her everywhere we go. Besides being her date, I’m also her door attendant. What a great combo.

Let her choose the place

I don’t need her to choose because I know exactly where we’re going. There is only one place that every girl will go and is a popular restaurant every girl loves. Why else would it be the first thing they say when you ask them where they wanna go eat?

I don't care restaurant

Don’t do anything that is sweaty or messy

Sex, I guess I have to cross it off my list. I’m kidding, I wasn’t about to do that first, I’m going to do it last. I’m kidding again, I was thinking maybe I can stand out and take her somewhere that is not usual, like take her to a wrestling match. We can fight it out. I guess I can’t now. Luckily, I got tickets to the opera and made reservation at a fancy restaurant. She sure is going to love this!

Remember it’s an investment

It’s because love and money go hand in hand. How much money I’m willing to put in this is how much love I’m going to get out of it. Well, I like to invest $100,000, please. That should be enough for her to go on 3 dates with me. If I want her to be my girlfriend, I have to invest at least a million. Goodness, love ain’t cheap this day. Back in my parent’s time, love was free.

Find out what she’s interested in

I thought this much was obvious. Can you go on a whole date without figuring out what she likes? I’m going to make it as my mission.

Only go as far as she wants to

For women, no means yes and yes mean no. For example, if you ask her if she wants anything for her birthday, she’ll say no. Before you ask her, you already know that she’ll tell you no. She probably already knows that you know that she’ll going to say no. And even though she says no, you bet your ass you better get something for her or the entire house will flip. Another example, when you ask her if everything is alright and she’ll answer yes. You know she’s not alright and she knows that you know but she still going to answer yes, no matter how many times you’re going to ask her. She’ll never let you know why she feeling that way, you better figure it out yourself.

I will only go as far as when she tells me ‘yes’.

Compliment her

Showering her with flowery words and fake lies, it is the fastest way to get in her pants, at least that the fastest way to get in my pants. If you tell her she’s sexy and hot, add 10 points for yourself.

Be yourself

So I got this all wrong. I thought the whole time I should dress up as Lara Croft so she knows I’m adventurous. I’m supposed to act like myself? I have no idea.

stewie head turn gif

I know what you guys are thinking, why are you even thinking of preparing for your date when you don’t have a date to begin with?

I’m being prepared and I know one day I’m going to be able to take her out. I-I just need some times. So don’t look down on me, I know I can do it. I probably have to start saving money now for my first date. Who know how much I’m going to spend on her.

This post contains reference to links and pictures from one or more sources and has given credits where they are due. In no shapes or forms do I make any money out of these products.

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