Please Orgasm Right Now (I Can’t)

It’s Friday, Friday. Gotta get down on Friday!

Hey y’all, welcome back to another post from me, Eggy.

So, I was watching porn yesterday and I realized I don’t really get turn on watching it. I don’t know if it’s the porn stars or maybe it’s the plot. I don’t know. It’s just something I noticed recently. So, to see if it’s my problem or their problem, I went and watch a bunch of porn videos. I watched the gay porn, straight porn, bondage, orgy, foreplay, pretty people, ugly people, homemade, high production, bedroom, beach, subway and all the other shits.

After watching all these (and it took some times), I realized I need to be in a mood to watch it for me to get high. If I’m not in the right mood, I will fall asleep watching it.

I actually fell asleep once while watching porn. Luckily, I had my headphone on and I woke up in time to shut my laptop before anyone saw. Never will I fall asleep watching porn again. And no, I wasn’t touching myself.

judging gif

The video was so bad that I thought they were having fake sex. You cannot get yourself high and scream like a banshee just by looking at the other person touching themself. And then proceed to enjoy the whole thing when she shoves the freaking broomstick up your ass.


Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, me not interested in watching porn. I don’t believe I have a low sex-drive, that I’m pretty sure. Cause I know that if Tiffany from GG ever offers to have sex with me (big ass IF), just a whisper of my name from her can make me orgasm.

Eggyyy…Your complexity intrigued me. You’re edgy on the outside and soft on the inside. The sweetness you bring and the way you melt in my mouth give me joy. You look so delicious that I can eat you up.


fangirling gif

Okay, calm down everyone. Let’s compose ourselves. I’m talking about eating egg tart.

I watched a fair share of ugly people making porn and a good numbers of good looking people making porn. I noticed that when ugly people have sex they put more energy and enthusiasm into it. The good looking people think just because they have good looks, people can masturbate to their faces and bodies.


They lack the integrity and soul of having sex. Their techniques are boring and their facial expressions kill the whole mood. The only thing sexy about them is their bodies but then I don’t think their ribcages and fake boobs are turning me on.

And you know what else I don’t like beside pretty faces, sex plots that don’t make sense. Yeah I know I’m watching porn, why am I expecting the plot to make sense? It’s not like they’re shooting to win an Oscar award but at least put some thought to it. Someone having sex next to you and the bed is rocking like fucking crazy and you’re still sleep like nothing is happening but wake up the moment they’re done just to catch them in an act. Okayyy.

Also, who said having sex on the beach is a good idea?

Then there’s also gay sex and straight sex, both are horribly hard to watch. Lesbian sex first…um, those girls need a nail clipper. I don’t know who they are trying to fool by those moaning and unnecessary noises they make. Bitch, you’re not enjoying it. I actually wince when she shoves her finger inside her asshole. Not a good sight.

There is also straight sex, sexual intercourse between a man and a woman. You know, the porn industry makes at least million (or maybe even billions) dollars every year, you would think they can come up with more techniques and methods of having sex, especially in this century. Maybe it’s just me but all the videos that I watched are just circling around the same shitty sex positions; doggy style, cunnilingus, cowgirl, missionary, seashell, face-off and whatever. I know there are at least 100 different styles out there but all I ever see are the top 10 recycling over and over. It’s as annoying as when you hear the same stupid songs on radio over and over again.

And you may think there are so many bad qualities about porn, why do I still watch it?

It’s because I don’t like to give up on people. It’s because it’s so bad, I always expect the next time I watch it to be good. But then I get disappointed and the next time I watch it, it’s still as bad. It’s a freaking cycle!

Who are you trying to trick, you just watch it to get horny so you can masturbate?

Bish, I just told you I can’t get horny with those fake sexes or with those fake boobs and fake penises. Whatever it is, the porn industry has disappointed me. For those of you out there that pay to watch porn, you have problem. In this day and age, you don’t need to pay to watch anything anymore. There are some dumb people out there that will do anything and post anything online just to get a moment of fame. I think I saw more videos of homemade sex than the professionally made one. Really sad to be honest but you know what is even sadder, that I’m seeing homemade sex video online in the first place. Some people get pay to post it online but there are some people that think it’s cool to post online to see how open and free they are.

But you know what? It’s their bodies, they do whatever hell they want to do if it doesn’t hurt anyone. However, I think I’ll be keeping off the porn for now, it’s making me dumber the more I watch. There’s actually a study for it, you know it’s legit if science says so.

yeah science gif

That’s all for today. Thanks for tuning in and reading my useless shit again. Holla!

This post contains reference to links and pictures or videos from one or more sources and has given credits where they are due. In no shapes or forms do I make any money out of these products.


I decided that from now on (to whenever I decide to stop) I’ll post a song that I like to share with you guys. I’m a music lover, so I spend a lot of time finding good music and listening to music. I want to share my love with you guys. I listen to everything and anything, from classical to rock and from English to Chinese. If you guys have any good music, please share it too. I want to expand my knowledge. For research.

Today, first video I want to share it’s Go by Grimes. Awesome shit to be grooving with on a Friday’s night.


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