Fifty Shades of Gay

To some of you out there, I did the unthinkable and maybe unforgivable even.

I went and watched Fifty Shades of Grey. I can already feel it, the eyes rolling and sighing.

What is she thinking?

How can she watching such thing? It’s so bad.

Whyyyy?

Calm down, everyone. I’m just curious to know what is it about this thing that gets everyone’s attention. I could go ahead and read the book, but I don’t want to commit myself in longer time than necessary to know about the plot and the characters, but I did went online to read review and excerpt of the book. However, now that I had watch the movie and did a little reading of what Fifty is about I have the right to criticize, Fifty Shades of Grey is a sucky plot.

Basically, the whole point of reading this book is not for it to enhance you (or maybe it is). I mean this book won’t enhance your intelligence, it won’t inspire you (unless you’re into BDSM) and it won’t change your life (unless you change your sex life after reading this).

This book only has one purpose and one purpose only, it is to make you horny. This book is an adult novel, targeting housewives specifically or someone who like to fantasize about how amazing their future love is going to be. Amazingggg

Spoiler alert! If you haven’t watched the movie or read the book and want to, I suggest you stop reading now. If you know you’ll never read anything about the Fifty trilogy or you don’t care, you can proceed.

Here is a quick summary of what Fifty is about; you only need to know about two characters, Christian Gay Grey and Anastasia Steele. They are weird, fuck up and are a match made in heaven. Throughout the story, Christian is trying to get into Ana’s pants and she just lets him. So they have sex- a lot- and it involves dominance and submissive type of foreplay shit. There are bunch of other shits in there, but isn’t necessary. They’re thrown in there to ‘intensify’ the atmosphere but sadly it is not working.

Let’s start with the characters. Christian is a control freak, but that’s okay because he’s supposed to be that way. He doesn’t like romance, only sex. But before he has sex with anyone, he will make them sign a non-disclosure form and a contract stating the guidelines of the foreplay. In short, it’s a business deal. So, why is it women left and right are falling for this crap?

i don't know gif

As for Anastasia Steele, oh Ana, this girl is totally weird as fuck, too. It didn’t show in the movie, but it is describe in the book that she has herself an inner goddess. She has a weekly meeting with her goddess to discuss about her love life; she is just one step away from diagnose of having schizophrenia. Another IMPORTANT thing you need to know about this girl is she is constantly, I mean constantly biting her lip (Christian is oh so crazy about it though). I told they’re weird. She also can easily have orgasms, so easy that a whisper of her name can make her come. Actually, in the movie, right after she interviewed Grey and she walks out of the building, she came. This is her face. No lie. Imagine if I have this power, I can rule the world!

Ana's orgasm

I mean I can go on and on about this, but I’m going to save you the trouble and my suffering of telling you everything. You may ask, “If you hate it so much then why are you watching it?”

Exactly.

How do I know I’m not going to like this movie if I don’t watch it? I have to watch it first in order for me to criticize it. There are a lot of people out there nowadays that give their opinions on things that they don’t really know about, except for the fact they think it would be uncool if they don’t follow the crowd. You’re not a sheep; you don’t need to follow the crowd. There are a bunch of people I know that never read or watch the movie before and when I ask them what they think of Fifty Shades of Grey, their answer is just like the story, weird and disturbing.

Me: What do think about Fifty Shades of Grey? Are you going to watch the movie?

Them: Eww, no. Why would I?

Me: You don’t like it?

Them: No.

Me: Oh, did you read the book?

Them: Bish, you out of your mind? If I’m not going to watch the movie, why would I read the book?

Me: Okayy. If you didn’t read the book and you’re not going to watch the movie, how you know you don’t like it?

Them: Because it’s porn reading about bondage stuffs.

Me: Oh, so you don’t like kinky shits?

Them: I like them, but not this movie.

Me: But you don’t know anything about it though. How could you say you don’t like something when you don’t know what it is?

Them: I just told you! It’s BDSM! The characters suck and the writing is horrible.

Me: But you just told me you didn’t read the book? How you know about the characters and the writing if you didn’t read it?

Them: Well, I heard from other people. And my friend told me the story sucks.

Me: Did your friend read the book?

Them: No, I don’t think she did. She said she is not going to waste time reading something like this.

Me: If she didn’t read the book, how does she know if the writing sucks?

Them:  Because everyone says it sucks!

Me: Oh, so if everyone says it bad, it must be bad?

Them: Because it is bad!

Me: But you never try it, how do you know it’s bad?!

Them: I don’t need to try it. I just know!

Me:

Them:

Me:

Them:

Me: Okay. I know what I’m getting for you on your next birthday.

Them: I don’t want it!

What I’m trying to say is, be open-minded. Don’t always be so quick to come to conclusion. I know there are things out there that we naturally don’t like. People hate dying, you not going to come up to someone and say, “Hey, you haven’t tried dying yet, how do you know you don’t like it?”  You’re just asking someone to hit you. Or a questions that we all gays hate, “You haven’t tried the opposite sex, how do you know you don’t like it if you don’t try it?” You have my permission to slap whoever asks you that question.

Sometimes, we don’t like certain thing is because the majority of the people don’t like it or we think liking it makes us look “uncool”. In the current era, we are living in a very transparent and stressful world. Anything and everything we do we are being monitored and recorded. One wrong move can create ripple effects that will change our lives. I’m exaggerating a little, but that doesn’t make it any less true. But you know, there are times we don’t really need to care about what other people think and just focus on ourselves.

I always have a motto I go by: Take care of yourself first before worrying about someone else. If you want a happy life, fuck everyone else. Your life would never be happy if all you do is worry about what others think of you. I’m not saying I have reached a level of ‘I don’t give a fuck’, but I give less fuck now. Be yourself because that a cool thing to do.

guess what i dont give a fuck

Anyway, that’s it for today’s post. I don’t want give you guys any life lesson cause I ain’t your mom. I’m just your voicing my opinion, so don’t be butthurt. Nevertheless, thank you for tuning in another post from me, Eggy. If you have anything you want to say to me, leave me a comment or ask me on ask.fm or follow me on twitter or facebook. I’ll talk to you guys again on Friday.

Thank youuu! ^^

This post contains reference to links and pictures from one or more sources and has given credits where they are due. In no shapes or forms do I make any money out of these products.

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